It’s a tender day today. It’s not only International Womxn’s Day, its also my mother’s birthday. She passed a month before I turned two, a had just moved from Seoul, South Korea to Norwalk, California.
The majority of my life, I struggled with depression, addiction, and anxiety. My head was always on a swivel, I didn’t know how to maintain relationships because I feared abandonment. I found myself angry, and resentful convinced I was dealt a shitty hand and my life would forever be cursed.
I begged for love in many of the wrong places which led to abuse, self-sacrifice, and countless partners.
When I had my awakening, I realized all the love I was seeking outside of myself was found within me.
The nurturing mother I was yearning for was found within me.
The validation I was seeking was found within me.
And the connection I have with my mother has always defied time and space. I realized that in college when my world was flooded with hummingbirds, anytime I needed her.
Funny enough, last night in my dreams I was lost in a shopping mall in the Philippines and my dad walked by my side helping me find my way. He passed 8 years ago.
Today I’m sitting with the feelings and allowing it all to flood me.
Angry that I feel orphaned.
Grateful for the blessed life I created with my own family.
Eternal and unconditional love for my story.
Resentful that I can’t remember her.
Frustrated that this is my day off AND I have a lot of work to catch up on.
I’m in awe because today is also the day the Quantum Crystal Bed fell into my lap. This is the gift that changed and unleveled my life in so many ways. If it weren’t for this frequency generator manifestation machine, I don’t know where I would be right now.
This is the same day this quote slid across my feed, exactly at midnight on March 8th. Mama Tootsie I know you’re here and I feel you. I was never alone and all those times I cried out for you. You were always with me.
Thankful, so so thankful.